I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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