I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
