You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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