We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
