I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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