I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
