she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
