just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
