He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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