so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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