6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
