The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
