all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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