Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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