i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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