I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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