need another drink. this is the easiest way
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
