Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
