Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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