The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
