I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
