and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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