is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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