Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
