did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
