my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize