I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
