to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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