It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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