the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
