last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
