i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize