If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
