You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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