Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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