and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
