In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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