know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
