I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
