So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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