when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
