Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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