i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
