i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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