You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
