Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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