i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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