i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
