he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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