wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
