Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
