What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
