this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
