hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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