we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
