how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
