my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
