His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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