Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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