We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
