I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So vagazzling was a success
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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