I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
