Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
