I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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