My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They are going to name an STD after you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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