Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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