I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
