we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize