I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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