I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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