and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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