There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
