She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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