Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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