If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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