quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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