Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I cannot find my penis.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
