We won't sleep together?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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