It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
