She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
