What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's always time for handjobs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Randomize
