shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
