I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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