Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
