I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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