After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
