Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
