booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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