One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
