to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
