I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
