Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
