The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize