I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
