508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
