This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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