even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize