I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
